Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
