you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
