Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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