1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Randomize
