Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
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