what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
