did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
