My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
