I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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