I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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