Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
