it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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