New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
