Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
