i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
