it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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