ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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