I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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