Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
