and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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