bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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