that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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