A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
