you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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