Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
