6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Watching her eat just hurts me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
