bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He passed out mid-signature
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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