Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
