I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
