He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
