Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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