I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
