he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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