My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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