I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
