well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
