dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
