Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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