i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
