Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
