Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
