They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
