She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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