I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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