Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
