dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dignity is for republicans.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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