At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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