Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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