The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
