Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
